This question is not really what I need to ask myself each morning as I gather my lunch, coffee, backpack, purse, phone, computer, any supplies I will need in the studio, and sleepily get into my car to drive the 20 minutes to my work place.
I try to go on autopilot, to get myself to the studio, then figure it out.
This morning, after getting here and opening my e-mails, I had gotten a newsletter about Paris travel, I found myself perusing apartments for rent in Paris.
Suddenly, awareness clicked back on, and I asked myself why in the world I was looking at apartments in Paris!
Then the question -- where am I going today?
I have my to-do list here in the studio - a power animal portrait half finished, promotional cards to get printed, making a centerpiece from grapevine wreath for the open house this weekend. . . .
so why would I think about Paris?
Is this just A.D.D. at work, or do I need to escape?
My studio is my escape, and I love being here, yet yet yet . . . .
I still seem to always think of wandering elsewhere.
I always seem to dream of putting essentials in a backpack and just taking off.
I seem to always have this urge.
Perhaps it means I am discontent in some way, but I am coming to terms with this longing.
I am coming to understand that all who wander are not lost, and some of us just have this need.
A need to up and GO.
In "Out of Africa" Isaac Dinesson had a life long affair with Denys Fitch-Hatton, and he was a wanderer - someone who required a free and open life, and he also understood he was giving up stability and family life - and Dinesson accepted this. She had to.
Something in our culture tells us this is wrong, that we are not productive members of society if we live a wandering life, full of dreams and irrational exuberance.
Oh well.
I will choose my own path -- I am now entering a phase in my life where I can start to wander a bit -- I am coming to the end of the 25 year job of raising kids, and I am ready to go out into the world, find myself and my art.
My journal, my camera, and lots of juicy pens will go with me, and hopefully I can share this journey and inspire others to do the same.
If I did not grab my camera and take the time to stop to hold it under some glorious mushrooms growing on a path near my house, these journal pages wouldn't be. . . . .
Where are you going today?
"In every man's heart there is anchored a little schooner." --Henry Miller
Wow amazing post. So often I ask myself "If I chose the other path, or if I knew then what I know now?" I don't know if I would have made the same choice. Sometimes I want to be adventurous and break my dutiful roll. At 23 I think I should break the rules once but I always find myself back where I started. Sitting at my 9am-5am and dreaming about happiness. AHHH lifes unknown questions and they torment they leave in their wake.
ReplyDeleteMy brother and I both say we suffer frome the change bug. Where some people a revolted by the thought of change we are reinvented by it. I love change and the new challenge I love the excitement of newness. This all makes you think .... Am I on the right path?
Thanks for the post it was great..
Smooches,
Steph
Steph - some of us are wanderers. We just need to go. It's fine. It has taken me a long long time to know this about myself, so if you already know it - you are in the awesome position of making your life follow your bliss! Go For It!
ReplyDelete9 - 5 is only for those who can't imagine anything else. . . .
I was just saying earlier that I need to remember to bring my camera with me. Look at these shrooms!!
ReplyDeleteI owe you a long email. I've been in the dumper for too long because of no days off. No time to do journal work when I get home beat. My hope is to work on them soon though. And the smaller one is nearly full so we'll only have the larger one to complete.
You've been doing some marvelous pages my dear! I'm always spying on you even if I don't have time to comment.
Thanks for all the wise words and reflections ;)
xoxo