Wednesday, April 23, 2008

do you believe in what you are doing?

I have been reading Anais Nin's diary - she lived in Paris in the 30's and was a friend (lover) of Henry Miller and his wife, June, among others. She lived to write in her diary - and she has such utter and total conviction for this process. Every thought is carefully recorded in an eloquent and beautiful way. I admire her committment to the process. I seem to always have doubts.
Right now, I am committed to this work - the work of collaging to access the inner (right brain) subconscious part of me.
Collaging with color and paper and images to get to that intuitive place, then writing in my journal.
I also am committed to sharing this work - leading groups and workshops and putting my pages on this blog daily.
The use of color and collage helps me understand my true thoughts better, and this is something I want to share with the world.
Yet, always, somewhere deep inside there is that nagging doubt that what I am doing is self-indulgent, immature, silly even.
If I had the utter and total conviction of the rightness of this work, like Anais Nin, I would be more fearless, more clear, more focused and dedicated.
I know what I am doing is the right thing for me now.
So, why the self-doubt?
I also take care of three kids, a husband, occasionally my aging Mom and Aunt, so I know I am not indulging myself by ignoring my other responsibilities.
It most likely is because in this capitalist society, unless we make money we are not valued.
I would love to sell more copies of my book and make money, but for now, I am trying to trust the Universe that I AM doing the right thing.
That I DO have something to contribute.
That the process of making art, writing words to know myself and the voice in me that is connected to all life is worth my time, and teaching this process is worth my time, and writing about it all here is worth my time.
I will keep reading Anais' Diary because her clear inner conviction helps to strengthen mine.
Thanks, Anais!


  1. There is NOTHING more important than following your heart and being true to your inner vision! My own experience has been that when we do that, all of that other "reality" stuff falls into place. Sometimes it can be scary...being truthful, but it's always worth it. There is certainly nothing immature about it. On the takes great courage to follow your own intuition, while so many people you respect and love, think you should follow theirs. At least, that has been my problem, over the years. Early programming can be such a bear!

    Your blog is the only one that I have read, all the way through... all the archived stuff. I have found great inspiration and lots of good, practical information, as well. You are doing something valuable and good. Keep it up! :)

  2. Follow YOU mind, I promiss it is right. Follow YOUR heart I promiss it is your purpus!!

    (hope you understand)

  3. Bettina - yes, I know it is worth it, but I am always surprised how much continuing work it is for me to keep believing in myself - to stay focused on the goal of expression and following my inner bliss, rather than what the world tells me would be successful and important (like making money or having a job with prestige.)
    Thanks for reading and the encouraging words - it's mean a lot!

  4. and to ewa-christine - yes, I understand you perfectly! especially because on the intuitive level we are speaking the very same language. . .

  5. Glad you left me a comment...I thoroughly understand this post and your thoughts.

    In some ways when I work in my art journal, I feel like I am "playing" and not doing something that is "profound" or "valuable". And yet....

    It is. We forget how to play. We forget as we get older than playing leaves us open to new possibility, to new direction and challenge and allows us to express something that we are holding in - our inner child always knew a thing or two.

    I am new at art journal work..but I am loving opening the book every day and adding something -- a little bit of me, whatever it is!

  6. Hi. I found you via Studio Lolo - and I'm glad I did. I enjoy these, your daily pages. January 1st , I started a visual diary too :) I don't make a page every day, but as often as I can. It's great fun.

    I'll be back for more:)

  7. My dear friend, you are in exactly the right place at the right time doing EXACTLY what you're supposed to be doing. Following your heart, your intuition. And look how many of us you inspire along the way!

    (I'm so glad there's no pressure for the return of our journals. Gosh, life has slammed me! They'll be in the mail after this weekend. Promise.)